Friday, February 20, 2009

I Recommend Leaving

This is one of the strangest things I've ever written. I'd skip it, if I were you.


“Your time has come, fiend” rasped Vampiric-Demonic-Scourge-Hunter Jacques Cousteau, leveling his harpoon. The figure in the cloak remained motionless. “Not a word, eh?” Jacques paused to cough. “Then you’ll take those non-words with you to the grave” He released the harpoon, and it flew through the air, pinning the cloak to the wall. The body was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, a voice came from behind Jacques, cold and impolite.
“Hah, you cannot kill me! I am king of the mecha-vampires, lord of the semi-dead, and writer of the informational pamphlet Death, and how it affects you! My power is greater than you could ever imagine!” Jacques turned and saw a withered hand reaching for him. He leapt back, onto the mound of fallen werepenguins. He reached into his parka and withdrew his trusty Pistol. Pistol was a sawed off shotgun with electrum shot that could pierce the hide of even the strongest robo-merfiend. He fired Pistol with reckless abandon, aiming for the figures black, twisted heart. Electrum tore through its chest, but the man merely laughed. Jacques suddenly realized who this was. He wasn’t dueling a common Demon-Giant, nor even a Dragon-Harpy. He was fighting with the Necromaster himself.
Jacques charged his foe, activating the condensed-moonbeam blade on Pistol. He pierced through the left ear of the Necromaster, who began to disintegrate. The man smiled as he dissipated, and whispered softly, “Thank you, my son”
“I am no son of yours!” cried Jacques.
“You are that and more.” The Necromaster pushed aside his hood with the last of his strength. He stood for a second, a mirror image of Jacques, and a wind swept him away. Jacques gazed into his own eyes, as he watched himself fly away on the breeze.

30 comments:

Met said...

You're in decline, snap out of it Reogan.

Reogan said...

No, no I'm not. This obviously isn't meant to be taken seriously, as is evidenced by the words 'Vampiric-Demonic-Scourge-Hunter' 'Jacques Cousteau' 'Non-words' 'Mecha-Vampires' 'Semi-dead' 'Death, and how it Affects You' 'Werepenguins' 'Pistol' 'Robo-Merfiend' 'Demon-Giant' 'Dragon-Harpy' and 'Necromaster'

Guiness 5000 said...

ok...O_o

Reogan said...

I warned you.

Met said...

So you did, but that doesn't account for the poor quality of posting here, I can accept this, but you're going to have to post something on the other end of the spectrum to even it out.

Johann said...

This is very...interesting


(>-'o'-)>O___*___l______O<(-'o'-<)




The Ping Pong Kirbies don't have the same effect in this peculiar font.

Johann said...

nvm, their not that bad

Met said...

quite amusing.

Reogan said...

I weep at your cruel words.

Met said...

The comment was directed at Meta Knight, not you, unless you refer to my earlier comment in which I was merly making a point.

5924365069283475 said...

Hey Everyone! I just wanted to tell everyone that Microx is now that user with all the numbbers. I just wanted to tell everyone that I changed my username.

Reogan said...

Yggdrasil, spare us.

Met said...

I Recommend Leaving

5924365069283475 said...

You want me to leave?

Reogan said...

Good plan!

Caleb said...

HEyyyyyyyyyyyy KYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guiness 5000 said...

Caleb? lol, hi

Anonymous said...

Reogan, just out of curiousity, what on earth do you mean by "learning from cursed tomes"? I'm confused... you & I both know that doesn't take much, but still.

This comment has nothing to do with your story about the "vampiric-demonic-scourge-hunter" story; it's just a comment in general. This is Elphaba/Angela Warren speaking, btw.

Oh, and REPLY TO OUR EMAIL IN LESS THAN FIVE MONTHS THIS TIME, PLEASE!!!!! I will keep bugging you about this for very long periods of time.

Reogan said...

I fail to see a single mention of cursed tomes on this post.

Elphaba said...

I meant in your blogger profile. Sorry, I didn't specify last June.

Reogan said...

They teach me the dark secrets of the dead but dreaming elder gods.

Met said...

*sigh*

Reogan said...

Jacques was born this long ago? What a happy day it was.

Met said...

Obviously not for me.

Elphaba said...

Whoa! There actually are werepenguins in this! Totally didn't notice that!

Reogan said...

What is it about the madcap madness that madden Jacques that keeps you from beginning your love affair with him?

Met said...

What do you think?

Reogan said...

Your inability to love is the only problem.

Met said...

I love you, just not this story.

Reogan said...

It's one of my favorites.