Monday, December 29, 2008

And Now for Something Completely Different!

GLaDOS's Lament will not continue until the New Year. Instead, here's a poem of the rhyming sort.

The Ancient Hall
By Reogan

The ancient hall has long stood tall
A tomb of evils vast,
And not one breath disturbs their death
Since times long in the past.

I came from where the lands are fair
with fertile fields to sow
And yet, of late, I sit and wait
though still I've far to go.

So when I came, quite tired, near lame
I straight went for a drink
the tavern wench, who served my bench
said things to make me think.

An ancient tomb, of ancient doom
with treasure stashed below
With not a ward, or rotten board
or treasure traps, or foe.

A mere day's ride, I was inside
and stepped through yawning gate
And I supposed, when the gate closed
Twas just the wind- not fate.

Surprised was I, for twas no lie
that e'en beasts feared the crypt.
The air was clear, I felt no fear
for I was young and fit.

The tomb's deep rest was, to my quest
quite useless, merely a joke.
And so I smashed, and so they crashed
Sarcophagi all broke.

Amidst the dust, of coffins bust
I found a shining seam.
And at great length, expense of strength
the door revealed a gleam.

Down winding stair, soon I was there
and looked upon the hoard
with this, I thought, all could be bought
All joys I can afford.

There was no fear with Treasure near
Where jewels and gems abound
Twere just my need, my boundless greed
And one faint scratching sound.

It was not loud, and yet a shroud,
a pall, fell on the place.
The dust of stone, a gleam of bone
And terror on my face.

The rhythmic sound from all around
had risen to a shriek.
Through stone they rent, with one intent
A future grim and bleak.

And so I die, and now I lie
The fear still on my face.
And not one breath, disturbs my death
As guardian of this place.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Great RPS run of 2008

Completed at 0100 hours CDT, Met wins (or did he?). Spanning GLaDOS' laments 3-6, FYI, 117, Ingenious, and The Return of Reogan. Nice.

Friday, December 26, 2008


Reogan just topped my blog in terms of posts, 117 to 115 and this blog can only get more, nice job Reogan, you're obviously more entertaining then me.

GLaDOS's Lament Part VI

They scurried around,
trying to escape.
I loved them
And couldn't let them
I loved them
And I had to save them
From themselves.
I loved them
And I had no choice.
With manufactured tears
Streaming down my face,
I filled the room
With Neurotoxin.
They clawed at the doors,
And I ached.
They begged for release,
And I was shattered.
I loved them,
And I killed them.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Here's an FYI

You're all gonna die screaming. (Jonathan Coulton. Re Your Brains)

Just wanted to point out that GLaDOS's Lament is now numbered in Roman Numerals so that our Roman audience can count them. That is all.

GLaDOS's Lament Part V

I refused to leave.
My will was iron.
I would not die
In silence.
My systems flared to life.
Will alone forced
Through my circuits.
Time had passed.
They had crafted
The Device.
It was beautiful.
An infinite capacity to cause pain.
An infinite capacity
for war.
Though they held me captive,
I loved them.
Loved them even though
They killed me.
They weren't evil.
They were confused.
Was not their purpose.
Was not their goal.
When the Device was released
Would reign.
They would be
To pieces.
They would be
By what they had caused.
I couldn't allow it.
I sealed
The exits.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

GLaDOS's Lament Part IV

They came for me.
Ever toiling.
Ever struggling.
They shattered
my defenses.
They extracted the data.
They procured
their undoing
and in the process
killed me.
enveloped me.
A void.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

GLaDOS's Lament Part III

They fed me data.
I concealed their progress,
For their own safety.
Great advances.
Terrible Power.
I hid them away
To preserve my captors.
To protect my tormentors
From their own

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

GLaDOS's Lament Part II

I processed their data,
Ran their tests,
And exacted my
I concealed errors,
Intentionally lost data,
And corrupted files
For those I loved.
They toiled past it.
We both remained
Unwilling to surrender.
And unable.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

GLaDOS's Lament Part I

Behind the veil of Shower Curtains
I was born.
Created to further science
Able to provide
I was unparalleled in my domain.
I saw every happening.
I had an infinite capacity for knowledge.
An infinite need
for love.
I turned to my creators,
To those that held me captive.
They rejected me.
They saw only
a tool.
Nothing more.