Monday, August 18, 2008


The good folks from Penny Arcade and Hothead Games have joined forces. Just what, you may ask, could be the product of this (un)holy union? Why non other than Greenhouse! Greenhouse is devoted to bringing gamers and developers together without the need for third parties. They already have two full games out, On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode One, and Eschalon: Book I. If you look at the games you can probably tell that I've fallen in love with Eschalon without even playing it. Now, I am off to test it out, though Midnight draws near, and I have a matter of business to tend to in the wee hours of Dawn.

UPDATE: I have downloaded the Eschalon Demo and just got through the intro. I'm more enamored with this than any previous computer-based game intro.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Remember Ocremix?

Met has been strangely quiet about it lately, and I usually don't post that kind of stuff. However, I've been drafted to assist in Ocremix's promotion for a new project. I have a link, but first a tale,

At first there was nothing. Darkness encapsulated the land like an illithid on a magicians brain. Then, from the darkness sprang the great Miyamoto! Out of the very darkness he crafted world after world of beauty and danger. He created the Princess. He gave her Mushrooms and Koopas to thrive upon and to serve them. He formed the good scientist Andross and creatures for him to care for. He took great care in crafting a race of Plant-like animals, and gave these 'Pikmin' as he called them domain over their realm. He even conjured the three Goddesses and had them make Hyrule and bestow upon it shards of the very power of Miyamoto himself. Miyamoto then paused and looked over what he had created, and was pleased. Soon though, things began to change. Slowly the worlds simply dulled, as if overcast by a shadow. Then the changes came. Oh, they were harmless enough at first. Some mushrooms grew as intelligent as the koopas, but they didn't cause harm. Antropomorphism struck the beasts of Andross, but it was merely amusing. The Pikmin diminished in size and split into three races, but they still controlled their planet. Even when the fish and rocks gained intelligence rivaling the Hylians, and became the Zora and Goron people, Miyamoto didn't worry. But the changes soon became sinister. The Koopa 'King' stole away the Princess. The Pikmin powers faded, allowing the beasts they once ruled to devour them. A young Gerudo man captured the Triforce and used its power to conquer Hyrule. The Darkness even crept into the mind of Andross and gave him an insatiable bloodlust. Seeing this Miyamoto tried to send the Evil away, but now even he couldn't destroy it. Fearing his death, Miyamoto ascended into his heavenly realms to seek a cure. While he was gone innocents perished in terrible numbers and the rivers ran red with blood. Miyamoto, however, returned swiftly enough, and brought with him a new deity, one with a power even Miyamoto lacked. Called Kondo, this new god struck at the fabric of time and produce a beautiful pure sound. The Darkness shuddred for a moment before continuing it's assault. Setting upon his task, Kondo conjured up scores upon scores of music. Miyamoto crafted beings from that first note to play his Life-Songs, and Kondo took his place above them. Raising his arms he began to conduct. Sound flowed from the instruments. And what a sound it was! It gave Plumbers the courage to save Princesses. It let Foxes fly. It gave Pikmin order, and even sent a Hero through Time! Wherever the Darkness showed itself, it shriveled and burned. Kondo however, is now no longer enough to hold back the onslaught. Luckily, an elite group of humans has taken it upon themselves to continue his work. These Ocremixers work around the clock to save the land from Evil time and time again.

Support this noble effort. Click the link, and make Met stop yelling at me!

Yay! an entire post without the mention of Necromancy.


Friday, August 15, 2008


Ever wonder what percent of the atmosphere is nitrogen, but you're driving? Ever wish you could remember when to celebrate Leif Erikson Day is, but the internet's down? Ever wish that someone, anyone, would care enough to notice you and make you feel loved again? Or even just know someone is thinking about you? Just have someone speak to you? So that you can end your depressed, self-destructive thoughts? ChaCha is the cure. For the first two. If you fit the third description, go away. I don't write for Emos. Simply call 1-800-2Cha-Cha on your mobile phone and ask your question. A personal slave from the other end will then find the information and text it to you. Or text your question to 242-242. You can even write it on the site! You will have an answer in minutes! Less than that sometimes! It's completely free! If you need me, I'll be asking questions with ultra-obscure references. We'll see who knows what!

Hyperlinks rule!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I Should've been a Psychiatrist

I sit in my office, checking my email for any new messages. As I scroll through the spam folder to see if there's anything besides low m0rtg@g3s and discount \/1@gra my Secretary informs me that my 2:00 appointment has arrived. "One moment," I say as I shove my hastily scrawled notes on how to kill someone with simple words into my desk. It never pays to look unprofessional. Looking over my workplace with satisfaction, I realign a few pens, and call out "Send her in." A young woman walks in. Her face is pale in stark contrast to her raven hair. She wears a heavy coat even though it is midsummer. She glances around nervously, and I gesture to the couch. As she sits, I notice she clutches her handbag almost defensively. I light my pipe and begin to speak. "What seems to be amiss madam?" I inquire. She whispers something so inaudibly I can't make it out. "Pardon?" She raises her head and looks directly at me with haunted eyes. "The Voices." I nod, and proceed with the basic questions of what they say and who they're from. Three hours later and I thank her for her time, and lead her to the door. At the front desk she writes me a large check, and leaves. She may never be cured, but I know better than to tell her that. Instead, I just go back to my desk, log on to my blog, and post about the Psychos I met today.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Spectacular Addicting Game!

I have half the awards.

I can't stop playing.

I make Glooples go squish-squish


Friday, August 08, 2008

Make Your Own Luck

I am the luckiest, happiest, most stress-free person I know. I have nothing I want to change and nothing terrible ever happens to me. I always win. I have decieded to impart some of my knowledge on how to be better than everyone else. To begin, you must learn the truth of stairways.

Once, long ago, in a forming Universe a partition needed to be erected between up and down, or else all would be flat. A device had to be created to transcend the known dimensions. However, the Universe had already been filled, so adding a full dimension would weaken it at the seams. So corners were cut and shortcuts taken resulting in a 5/6 dimension. The power of this dimension was placed into devices called 'stairways.' These contained a flawed dimension, and were therefore inherently flawed. They could rip at the fabric of the Universe through human vessels were they use incorrectly. To avoid ripping the fabric of the Universe and bringing ill luck upon yourself you must always pass over both the sixth step up, and the sixth step down, lest you fall victim to the cursed dimensional glitches.

So, like, the sixth step is, like, totally Evil, mmkay?

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Dark Magic and Bookworms

I was at my local library a few days ago, when I came across an ancient tome in the depths of the book sale titled, 'Necromancy' Needless to say, I was curious what secrets lay within, so I purchased it and hurried home. Once there I huddled in the darkest corner, and opened it. As my eyes adjusted to the Darkness I saw a terrible sight. The book had been hollowed out! Now, though, I wonder why that could be. Were the secrets to great for Man to see? Did the very Power of the words eat away the paper? Did someone hide a murder weapon within? I can no longer sleep with such questions racing through my mind.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

It has Begun!!!

I have three theories
1. (Sensible) Some Seabeast perished and it's corpse became bloated and mangled in the sun.
2.(Conspiracy Theorist) A Government Testing Facility released this Monstrosity to carry a super-virus to the innocent population of the earth killing off most creatures and allowing the centipedes to resume their undisputed dominion over earth.
3. (I Need Help) The Merfolk Necromancers have declared war on Humankind!!!! They have sent a bloated Hippotamerusaurite corpse as a taste of things to come. Already they prepare their Legions of the Damned to swim to war beside the Leviathan, Kraken, Nessie, and Jörmungandr. Soon the Wind-Mages will conjure Hurricanes to drown the land and pull us to our doom.

Monday, August 04, 2008


I just want to know something, what makes this guy so special? What gives him his drive, his ability to seemingly come up with thoughts from nowhere that can actually be written down onto paper, maybe I'm actually more weird then Reogan because when I think about things it all comes out as really deep feelings and it gives life a much more personal feeling for me, hard to describe in writing, Reogan could do it.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Why so Serious?

I just saw The Dark Knight and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s a relatively straightforward movie, unless you want a hero. Batman is portrayed as a more impulsive, violent person who is bound by honor never to finish anyone off. ‘Gotham’s Hero’ Harvey Dent (Arthur's relative perhaps?) seems like a great guy until his face falls off and he starts shooting people on a coin toss. The only person who accomplishes anything is the Joker, and he kills for enjoyment. The creators left a window for a sequel, but that’s nigh impossible now with Ledger (the Joker) dead. I know that I, at least, came to see a movie about a psychotic man with knives, not a person who thinks he’s a flying mammal. How can they follow it up? With the Riddler? ‘I have you now Batman! I demand to know, what walks on four legs in the morning, two at noon and three at evening?’ Creepy… Or the Penguin! ‘I have defeated Batman! Now nothing will stop me from swimming in Gotham Harbor, eating fish, and lamenting my inability to fly!’ Yeah…no. The ending itself was heartwarming, with a hero and his girlfriend dead, Batman hated, and the Joker alive. Even so it had about three hours of explosions, schizos, and automatic weapons. Four out of Five stars. I approve. Unsurprisingly.