Friday, September 10, 2010

The Horror!

Courtney gasped for breath, fighting off the stitch in her side. She chanced a look backward, and regretted it--her pursuer had gained on her. I will fight, I will fight! she screamed in her head, and tried desperately to put on a burst of speed.

It was to no avail. She wasn't going anywhere, even though she was running at top speed. Her father ran ever closer, until he grabbed her around the waist. "Eat it!"

"No!" Never would she do the evil act again!

"Eat the sauerkraut, Courtney!"

"I won't!" She knew that the sauerkraut was evil! It was causing a beeping noise in the back of her brain! It became louder and louder, taking over her entire being...

"Courntey, wake up! We have to get to the potluck!"

"Huh?" She opened her eyes and looked around, suddenly relieved. "Oh. Yeah. Um, sorry."

"Didn't you hear your alarm?" her mom asked.

"Well, sorta..." That explains the beeping.

"Get going. We have to be at church in 15 minutes. Don't forget, you promised to try Mrs. Koepp's sauerkraut today."


"Come to me in my dreams, and by day I will be well again." Matthew Arnold.


Reogan said...

I like the concept. I did like the punctuation abuse.

You have the opposite problem as Xanthurian. He presents a lot of exposition in a block. You give none at all. I'd like a little. Sprinkle it here and there.

Met said...

I'm not a fan of the concept, but it's fairly well written aside from the points Reogan makes. Keep it coming every Friday, you just get better most of the time.

Xanthurian said...

Please excuse the internet-ism, but all I can really say is lolz... It is an entertaining concept however...

Elphaba said...

Reogan: What punctuation abuse? The use of ellipses?

Met and Xanthurian: Thank you to each of you! :)

I actually thought the concept wasn't all that great, so it's really nice to get positive feedback!

Reogan said...

The constant use of exclamations. If you require them to convey emotion, put down your pen and become a potter.

Elphaba said...

Looking at this again, I can sort of see your point. Hopefully tomorrow's will be better.