Sunday, October 09, 2016

An Election's Carol II

"But wait!" Obama cried at the vanishing Foster. "How will I know who these spirits are?"

"You could just ask," said a bearded gentleman suddenly floating all spirity up in the President's bidness. He puffed a cloud of opium smoke into Obama's face.

"Who are you?" cried Obama.

"Do you not recognize me, Hussein?" asked Beardo McOpium.

"Of course I don't. Why would I-- wait! Yes! Charles Darwin?"

"Yes, it is--no, wait." The spirit frowned. "Why would you think I'm Darwin?"

"Well, there's the whole beard thing. And...I guess he makes sense because he killed God in the hearts and minds of the newly damned everywhere."

"He did, sure. But you should be able to identify me. Don't they teach anything anymore?"

"Not since Common Core, which I invented to replace education with tests."

"But you weren't taught under Common Core."

"Yeah, no. But during class I was always imagining I was off golfing instead of doing my job. And look at me now." Obama turned to face you, the reader of the story. "Follow your dreams, kids, and anything is possible."

"O...k," said the spirit.

"So, anyway, who are you, Mr. Undarwin?"

"I'm Karl Marx," remarked Karl Marx marxistly. "Mark me! I am the Ghost of Progressives Past. I have come to remind you of your duty to the gay islamist communist atheistic cult we all serve. Take a hit of this shit." He held the pipe out to Obama.

Obama took a hit of that shit.

"Woah," he said.

beat

"Was something supposed to happen?"

"Nah," said Marx. "But you just zoned for, like, an hour. If you go get Hillary elected, I'll give you some more next time I see you."

"Deal. See you in hell!"

"Praise Satan!" said Marx, evoking the progressive deity that they also denied the existence of.

Obama sat back and enjoyed the rest of the trip.

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